I hate it when people tell me to
 ‘hang in there’
  because  
 ‘better days are coming'
  I’m fine with my days. 
 It’s these fucking nights
 that suck.
 ~j~

I stood in the window,

tattooed by the trees,

their shadows upon me,

as I watched you leave.

You took with you, my world

and all I ever craved.

That timing, she really is a bitch.

I had known in my heart, 

everything was about to cave.

And now,

the moon,

 it does constantly change.

just as my heart, 

tries desperately to rearrange.

yet sometimes, late at night,

I still seek those shadows of trees

while standing still in the moon light,

I like to feel them on me

in the dead of night,

they feel good, etched across my form

for they bring back a memory of you,

that still keeps me warm

they bring with them

 a familiar rush,

in the mind of crazy, 

they bring to me 

a quiet hush

No, 

your no longer there,

but theres something with the scent

of that midnight air.

Those shadows of trees 

bring some consolation,

when my heart feels like its drowning,

in complete desperation.

~j~

Some lace

their shoes

and that’s

enough.

Some lace

their souls

by acting

tough.

Whatever

it takes

to just feel

safe,

you shouldn’t

be judged

by the choices

you make.

~j~

Adam;
For Christ’s sake!
Enough with the
apples, already.


Any chance of
possibly getting some
strawberries
around here?


Eve.

Why bother to love?

What is there to be said

for an ache so severe,

one would welcome

quick death?

[Oh trust me, I know]

Haven’t you heard tell

of the stories,

Even I have been privy to the emptiest

'I’m sorries.'

There’s no good

that can come

of suffering so.

So, I’ll never love.

From now on,

I’ll just 

cum

and then go.

~j~

I think of you.
You tell me,
you think of me.
Suddenly,
Those miles apart?
They cease to be.

I miss you.
You tell me,
you miss me.
Suddenly,
my restless heart feels at ease.

I need you.
You tell me,
you need me.
Suddenly,
my soul is on it’s knees.

Then I glimpse around
at reality,
and my heart
just 
b l e e d s.

.j.

Tranquility,
shades of lace,
sheet of cotton
‘gainst my face,
breathe in,
slowly,
feel the air
upon my skin, 
and through my hair
let the mind go,
someplace distant
until all these feelings
 become indifferent.
~j~

I cary rage

as a weapon

I am vicious

like venom

I use words 

like grenades 

[ I have my fathers eyes ]

you inflict pain

I will leave a stain

on your sheets 

your wall

and then

 I'll torch it all

[ I have my fathers frame ]

I'll throw sticks and stones

so hard, I'll break my own bones

[ I have my fathers nose ]

I'll scream deep from my lungs

until my very last breath

to ensure you die 

a 

slow 

painful 

death

all these weapons, I keep close

[ I have my mothers heart 

of which I 

REFUSE

to expose. ]

.j.

~ naked thoughts ~

Please,
explore my body as you wish
and yes, I agree

'naked, is what we need to be'

but you must know
right now 
'fully exposed'
just isnt for me

I fear its my heart
that you might see

and currently 
im not well
im sick with the secrets 
my heart
and my body 
will surely tell

the truth is complicated 
and its much easier to lie
lets just sweat it out with intense pleasure
while I continue to 'detoxify' 

let me just 
spread my legs apart 
you can have it all,
or.. have it a la carte

its easier to push your head lower 
then to say whats going on in my head
lets not talk
lets just aim to break this bed

because,
its easier to say
'make love to me'
then to say 
'love me and only me'

so,
lets just stick to sinful fun
then theres never disappointment 
and 
non-exsistent
apologies 

because, 
of all the things I need in a boy
I often forget to look for that 
rare 
quality 

.j.

stay

away

from

me

I can already 

smell 

and 

taste 

the ways 

you will

hurt me

stay

away

from

me

I have a broken heart
that feeds 
on 
flesh
and 
poetry

stay 
away 
from 
me

im
not looking
for 
another
fucking 
muse

.j.