your fun, 

[ I've been here before ]

your smile is contagious, 

[ I'm terrified to see more]

I so enjoy this 

[really, I overthink]

you see, 

 my heart has been leant out, 

mostly,

 to pricks 

but, I'm perfectly normal 

[ mostly, 

on the brink]

I'm pretty stable

      [sometimes, .. insane ]

[because, I know,
If I let you bring my heart joy,

next 

                       ... is  p a I n]

.j.

'simple'

is not a word of description

that does you well

your insanely guarded 

of this, I can tell

you share little

even when asked

answers vague

and well masked

theres so much more to you

just beneath the surface

but I hit close

and your nervous

I don't know you

nor you, I

but it's clear 

we're

just 2 hearts

more familiar

with

goodbyes

.j.

Shed no tears
for broken me
as my parts
are often stronger
than my whole.

Reservation and Warmth
don’t see eye to eye
and Forthright leaves Private
often wanting to cry.

And then we have Shy,
we forget that she’s there,
because Socially Bold leaves
no attention to spare.

Lively finds Serious
boring as wood
while Perfection declares
Tolerance is
misunderstood.

There are
so many more
of these fine
pieces and bits
that they’re much
better off broken
and battling wits

.j.

yup, 
your right
'I bite'

and you've clearly been bitten
way more then 'twice'

but take a deep breath, boy
let go of that 
fright

lets just keep having fun
all 
 through 
  the 
    night

yup, 
your right,
I ask a lot of questions  
I seek 
  insight
into that heart
you've got zipped up 
so 
  tight

Im curious
and right now 
its 
just 
  nice

aware we are both broken
but can still share in 
this 
 delight

in words
in touch
in sin
in dark
and in light

but I can see it in your eyes
feel it in your touch..

yup,
your right,
we're both  currently broken,
and 
yes,
  I 
    b i t e.

.j.

Some say ‘Ah, but love is sweet!

Like candy kisses on the skin,

the sugar can’t be beat!’

Fools, I say,

for they know nothing.

Love offers no silverware

and pours the weakest

of apologies into your glass.

Love expects you

to eat with your hands

and steal that dinner roll

from your neighbor.

Love’s party is

the only party

you shall ever attend

where the host prays

you leave bruised

and empty

from her table.

Love’s a lot like supper

with a wayward Aunt

who’s mentally unstable.

~j

~Dinner for One~

Devotion and Ardor,

Theatrics and Hate,

show up for dinner,

but Love?

She runs late.

Patience is drunk

and Envy just laughs

while Truth tips

the wine

and fills Hope’s crystal glass.

Wish Love would hurry.

The pot roast is cold

and Need’s hand’s

on my thigh

for he’s always too bold.

~j~

 i don't know exactly when

my father realized

life 

wasn't all he thought it would be

he quelled his disappointment with beer 

nightly

and often gave in to rage

and regurgitated that disappointment 

unto my mother

and myself

he preferred a backhand

but scars inside my mouth

and holes in the drywall

of my childhood home

prove otherwise

i don't know exactly when

my mother accepted

'I love you'

with less pleasure

and impetuous pain

in a lonely life 

she'd work herself to death for

i don't know exactly when

i started to carve out my own 

version of love

in the flesh of boys
in the soothing comfort it gave me 

in feeling their heat rising

and in my own euphoria 

from their touch

i made men ardent lovers
but kept my heart locked 

to keep earthed

all other emotions 

i would never again

let them steal from me

i don't know exactly when 

i put down all my armor 

and sat in the sun too long 

with you

i didn't notice the shriveling of me

like a raisin 

nor, did i notice 

the loss of life

until i was too broken

to fight

and i learned again 

that my body and soul 

and weary heart,

were merely casualties of life's  war

where,

pray
 as you might

God, 

never comes 

[... but he does.]

.j.

Burton

.voodoo girl.

Her skin is white cloth,

and she's all sewn apart

and she has many colored pins

sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies

who are deeply in her trance.

She even has a zombie

who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,

a curse she cannot win.

For if someone gets

too close to her,

the pins stick farther in.

.

-tim burton-

Trains depart

hourly

from the station

in my head.

ideas converge,

sinful words are shed

on a platform,

some poems fall dead

for there simply to intense

to possibly be read

for in my head

is a subway of secrets

that i constantly hide

to dark for most

to even consider to ride

so i’ll wait in this empty station

alone with my luggage, 

overpacked with

 frustration

until possibly, the proper conductor doth approach 

or these coal fumes choke me out

from complete

 asphyxiation

~j~

missing:

Ever feel like

your missing

a piece

of your life?

Maybe I

set it out

with that stuff

for the garage sale?

yeah,

I'll be

wicked pissed
if that

old lady

down the block

got it.

.

~j~

split thighs

rough face

soft tongue

steady pace

sleek hair

between fingers

strong wrists

mouth lingers

lips part

silent quake

hands brush

knees shake

breath races

gasps plead

toes curl

hips lead

back arches

grasped waist

now,

 tell me
just how good I taste

.j.

Ecstasy,

this trance like state,

My body, 

covered in your weight.

Your ass, 

in my firm grip.

The thrusting, 

of your hips.

On you, Boy,

I am transfixed. 

As our bodies,

intermix.

I clench,

 and contract,

and my body

reacts.

I simply can’t fight it.

My sensations all heightened.

This climax,

almost to it’s peak.

And my body, 

wants to flee.

My need,

is to scream.

My breath,

now gasping.

Our bodies,

still crashing.

And then, 

release.

All those endorphins

unleashed.

And its complete 

Nirvana

Fuck,

 let’s do it again

Just say you wanna'

~j~

Fuck Fairytales

Translucent puissant,
how ironic are you,

with your pale,
powdered face
and your
mainline to fate

You’re just a cheap,
whoreish hooker 

in a 

crinoline shift
with pockets stuffed full
of love
and various other 

whack
 shit.

.j.

these words
are my own
sinful pleasures

im not here
to impress others

so you internet admirers

so cheap to acquire

yes,
 my words are erotic

the images alone, 
hypnotic
my writings, these words,
they're my own narcotic

so back the fuck up 
with your cheap
 admiration

your attempts to reach me
make you seem
down
right
psychotic

~j~

For those

who keep asking;

I am a girl.

A real girl.

As real as

the air

you breathe

and as honest

as the words

I leave.

I am not a figment

of imagination.

Just a conundrum

with no explanation.

But,

I am a girl.

Yes,
 A real girl.

.j.

warm water, bodies sliding

water splashing, steadily riding

taking you in, your strong hands guiding

no stopping, body temperatures rising

an intense grip,
 your hands on my hips

pushing past the tightness,

fuck politeness

just give me every last drop of you

it’s what i desire, 
you know i do

~j~

You don’t really know me.

These words that I share

are all that you see

but you wade in, debate ‘em,

analyze and rape them.

You think that I’m troubled.

[I'm not]

You think that I want you.

[that's hot]

Convinced that I love you?

[as if]

You’re just judging

my canvas short-shrift.

~j~

Love,

a huge facade

of empty rooms

and faded paint,

a concrete tomb.

Love,

windows barred

on lower floor,

you rise one story,

then one more.

Love,

squatter’s palace

full of pain,

you reach a room,

it bears your name.

Love,

you sit alone

as more move in,

unpack your case,

let hurt begin.

~j~

Secret:

The only thing I am sure of,
in this life of mine,
is that I might be incapable
of ever truly trusting love.

I’m probably Amouraphobic.

.j.

beautiful creature

what is it you bring

soft furry pleasure

or a poisonous sting

you work your magic

you weave your web

you may be my most beautiful

sinful satisfaction

or you may 

just leave me 

for

 d e a d

.j.

I know I’m messed up

and that’s okay.

Doesn’t matter too much

what the world has to say.

I’m odd.

I get it.

I’m intense,
 oversexed

and weirdly unique

and I don’t hold back 

on the words that I speak.

So if you’re looking for boring,

I’m not the girl for you

but if you’re needing some reckless,

then I’ll know just what to do.

~j~