I think.
A bit.
No, stop right there.
I think.
A lot.
Like a bit  *squared.
Infinity.
To the power of ten.
I ponder.
I muse.
I wonder
and then
I realize that
my life’s a mistake.
A mistake
upon error
upon assumption.

[i break]

I wish I were stronger.
I wish I could see
that girl
that I know
I could someday
just be.

.j.

you cover me in kind words
you stare at me with eyes, sweet

you touch me with warmth and softness
as we ache for whats beneath

both of us filled with
adoration, intrigue,
tension and heat

you phrase your words
so carefully
you drink from my lips
so gently

it's mutual,
this passion and lust

  .. and this sinful act, 
      
            a must.

.j.

head on pillow, 

as night does come

all is quiet, 

as the ceiling fan hums

these thoughts of you, 

they start to consume

and just that quick,

 i wish you in my room

but alas, there is no you

so my touch and i,

 we make do

it starts with such innocent thought,

  just your mere image

i don’t have to think hard,

 for my imagination,

 quite vivid

and too often my thoughts, 

slightly wicked

even as i fight those dirty notions

 my body,  already in motion

my breathing, 

 deep inhale, 

and a slow hot release

my legs,

 begin sliding over cool sheets

my back,

 raises to an arch

my knees, a slight bend

and try as i might to fight it,

my hand ,

       ..begins

              to 

                  descend

i’m warm, and crave you in my wetness

 my hips, now in motion, 

 grow more,

       and more
                  restless

these thoughts, 

keep flying

my fingers, in and out , 

sliding

my temperature, 

rising

my excitement,
 climbing

upon my hand, my body,

 now intensely grinding

my pillow, 

i’m biting

 my moans,

 near whining

my hand and hips 

working in opposition 

my entire body, 

in complete submission

to this idea of you, 

where my fingers now slide

I feel my muscles contract, 

as i continue to glide

out, 

in, 

and around...

and just like that,

my walls clamp down

my senses, all heightened 

my muscles, all tightened

intense contractions, my legs  all a flutter

my entire body,  a tense shudder

my muscles eventually give in 

to a softer twitch

yet,

 just these imagined thoughts of you,

leaves me bewitched

my breath almost empty 

as i take a deep sigh

still wishing it  you,

 between my thighs

because 
truth is 

 it’s your ass

 id love to be gripping tight

as you fucked me, 

deep into the night

so,

here i go again, 

because one thought, is all it takes

and that promise to myself 

to do this only once, 

now,

 I  must   break

~j~

I just want to hold you.
Is that such a crime?
One night all alone,
you don’t need to be mine.

I just want to touch you.
Is there a problem with this?
There’s no need for forevers,
I merely ache for your kiss.

I just want to lay next to you.
Do you know what I mean?
Heat to heat, skin to skin,
just our breath inbetween.

.j.

.writers.block.

Woosh.

 It's been awhile. 

That feeling ...

 somewhere between Heaven and Hell.

 Perched.

 Teetering. 

Aching.

 Weak.

 I'd so love to write something pretty to you here 

but, 

the truth is,

 well, 

the truth is 

I'm just longing to fuck you.

Prettily

~j~

you are not true love 

that knows just how to hold me right

you are merely a warm touch

on a long cold night 

you whisper emotions

I purr only with need

I'm not opening this heart

I'm too afraid to bleed

'why yes, I am a hopeless romantic' 

but right now,

  I'm here

    purely in greed.

.j.

your fun, 

[ I've been here before ]

your smile is contagious, 

[ I'm terrified to see more]

I so enjoy this 

[really, I overthink]

you see, 

 my heart has been leant out, 

mostly,

 to pricks 

but, I'm perfectly normal 

[ mostly, 

on the brink]

I'm pretty stable

      [sometimes, .. insane ]

[because, I know,
If I let you bring my heart joy,

next 

                       ... is  p a I n]

.j.

'simple'

is not a word of description

that does you well

your insanely guarded 

of this, I can tell

you share little

even when asked

answers vague

and well masked

theres so much more to you

just beneath the surface

but I hit close

and your nervous

I don't know you

nor you, I

but it's clear 

we're

just 2 hearts

more familiar

with

goodbyes

.j.

Shed no tears
for broken me
as my parts
are often stronger
than my whole.

Reservation and Warmth
don’t see eye to eye
and Forthright leaves Private
often wanting to cry.

And then we have Shy,
we forget that she’s there,
because Socially Bold leaves
no attention to spare.

Lively finds Serious
boring as wood
while Perfection declares
Tolerance is
misunderstood.

There are
so many more
of these fine
pieces and bits
that they’re much
better off broken
and battling wits

.j.