Open your veins,
bleed out your paint,
cover me
with your compliments,
stencil me
with those 
beautiful words you know,
scribble it out
then leave,
just go,
and I’ll do you
a favor
and frame myself,
climb upon
the highest shelf
and nail
your canvas
to the wall
then wait,
again,
for your art
to fall.

~j

What I wouldn’t give
to find just one man
I’d be willing
to die for
instead of
all of these men
who just leave
me wishing
I were dead

~j

I saw a morning.
I felt your skin.
I heard your breath.
I drew you in.
I laid wide open.
I no more lacked
I believe you loved
I loved you back.

But Fuck all that.

~j

Think of you, think of words,
think of anger, think of fear,
think I think I think too much,
and sometimes,
 I think I just wish you were here.

~j

Dave Matthews

   <3 This Boy <3

 That Beautiful Guitar Riff Intro

 His Fingers

His passion

This Song
Just Because
it

~Just Feeeeels Good~

I wanted to write something clever

like ..'how life goes on without measure'

but all across my words you try to tread

like you think you can stick in my head

but you can't, you see, 

this place, these words,

are all about .. ME

and I’m back with vigor

might even put some new batters up

and hope theres a great hitter

so you may linger here in my minds shadow

but I hope you brought plenty of ammo

because the reward for loving this girl

is some serious passion and zest

and someones gonna realize that 

and fight harder then all the rest.

~j

Bully for you.
You blew me out
like smoke your lungs
could do without,
but wait…

…smell the curtains,
breathe the air,
run your fingers
through your hair
and then check the rug
beneath your feet
for that me residue
that,

well that,

 you get to keep.

~j~

:~:Never Settle:~:

 :The Kind of Boy I want:

 Sense of humor, 
soft & sweet, 
a heart melting smile

a little sass,
a great ass,
and can go the extra mile

 spontaneous and quick to laugh,

 gives his all, not just his half, 

takes no shit, but is forgiving,

 gets up each day and just starts living, 

smoothly sexy, has that touch, 

when we'd kiss, I'd feel that rush,

 sensitive, but not too lax, 

shouldn't balk at candle wax, 

loves the rain and camping out,

 totally gets what I'm about, 

doesn’t mind my hands on him
 when I'm in his space, 

understands that sex 
is definitely 
not a race,

 someone who loves me
 til the end of time.

That's the boy 
I want as mine

~j~

Gonna sit here, my feet up, and wait for Prince Charming.
[or perhaps just a fella who doesn’t set of my ‘warnings']
Gonna liaise with sun’s rays and wait for Alladin.
[or maybe a guy who won’t leave my heart so saddened]
Gonna watch the green forest edge for my own Robin Hood.
[or simply a man that knows how to make me feel good]
Gonna turn my eyes to the sky and pray for Peter Pan.
[or give up on love altogether, cuz I don’t know if I can]

~j

Inner Strength

Jesus, Girl

Shake that shit off

it’s thick and its deep 

and it’s fucking up your beauty sleep

You needed to weep, you wept

your heart is broke, but your not wrecked

and you certainly deserve someone 

who treats you with more respect

You deserve honesty

not to be someones novelty 

you know what you bring to the table

now get up off your ass, your perfectly able

the sun is out, the tunes are loud

you got new beautiful parts,

so take em out, and be damn proud

put some sparkle in your mood

you’ll get the right boy

and you will be wooed

and if he’s still not the one,

who cares, have fun

we’ll work on this shit,

til we get this job done!

~j~

Fall in love and give your heart 

and this is what you gain..

Only hurt, only pain.

I said as much.

You told me

 no.

Added, 

“I’m different.

 I’ll show you so.”

I don’t know how to trust a man.

I told you that.

You said, 

“You can.”

Well, I can’t.

You see?

Again I'm right.

and now

empty inside

so let’s just call it

a fucking night.

~j

What is it you want?

What is it you need?

Is it not enough that I cry?

Do you need me to bleed?

You made your choice.

It’s you who shut me out.

'I’ll leave you alone,'

I said.

Yet you still come about.

What are you doing to me,

why can’t you just leave?

Please understand, most days

this girl can barely breathe.

~j~

I just didn’t want to be that girl.

That ‘don’t leave me, please need me,

you are my world’ girl.

But I am.

I feel broken

and some days I don’t breathe

because I want you

beside me

so badly, I bleed.

[mostly words,

but bleed, I do,

for every word

pours red for you]

~j

I long to be
the outline of
your silhoutte
for that might be
the closest to you
that I’ll ever get.

I want to be
night’s shadow
as it paints your skin
because I’m sure
that’s the only way
I'll ever feel you again.

~j~

I want to lay with my face

along the length of your neck

and breathe you in

until I’m simply wrecked.

I want to press my hands

to the sides of your face,

drink of your lips

and plead my bodies case.

I want to merge with you

until we’re one in the same

but my heart knows, for you
I’m simply a game

~j~

and just like that

i made it through days of letting go

[take a deep breath, girl

you've only a lifetime to go]

friends call, visitors ask

i say, ‘i’m fine’.

and i will be too,

as soon as i find the switch 

to turn off my mind

because its not the bandages

or the stitches that matter

its my heart inside, that they can’t see 

that’s completely shattered

~j~

Around a corner

love is found,

there,

on the street,

against the wall,

and it is sweet.

Some day,

one day,

perhaps soon,

I’ll walk

nothing but

corners

’til I find it too.

~j

I stood all day

and waited,

gusts picked up,
abated,
birds watched on,
[well humored]
word got round,
[well rumored]
a gathering,
[now crowding]
"can that girl fly?"
[sky clouding]
but all of it,
was just for naught,

because,
you
 were what lifted me.
[my wind, my thoughts]

Now all that’s lost.

~j

:Please:

Protect me

in your sanctuary,

respect me,

though I’m far too wary,

cherish me,

for I deserve it,

carry me,

I’m really worth it.

I need a break.

.Fuck.

Just space.

A time wherein

to breathe in ease,

no pain, oh, please,

just step up

and step it up,

make this pain end,

I can no longer bend

my brain, it hurts,

with every question

it exerts.

My Love is not

a revolving door.

My Love is worth

so much more.

~j~

There was something in those moments,
when that shadow moved closer.
Without even making a clear view of him,
that made me feel like I was about to fall, 
or turn into liquid,
or burst into flames,
from just the anticipation of his embrace.
For within that embrace, 
was such a static,
such a charged atmosphere,
when his shocking skin was finally against mine.
It wasn’t just some ..
quantifiable external beauty 
that created this;
Even though, his scent alone 
could draw me in blindly,
and always, 
did I have a desire to devour his flesh;
No, this was not that.
This was a force.
More then some kinetic energy force. 
This force was tactile too.
This was a force all its own.

It was something undefinable .

For within his embrace, 
is where all my incoherent, random words,
puzzled letters and multi-colored pictures,
came together poetically 
and gave my heart a voice.
Where at last my language had made sense.
I simply breathed easier
 with the weight of his body against my chest.
And once I knew the difference, 
without him,
 I went gracefully insane.

~j