The Brilliant Shonda Rhimes

Grandmas Joyful Girl

I feel you today
[well always]
but i heard you loud and clear
and last night you whispered
right into my ear
'..it will be ok sugar plum
so let yourself feel again,
don’t go through life numb.
its no way to be.
your strong,
please, ..trust me'

i hear you grandma, i really do
its me i don’t trust
but, i have always trusted you

so i’ll pull myself up
and it won’t be easy
and ill try again,
to give my heart freely

i promise, maybe
someday
but today just let me cry
and drown in my tears
and try like hell not to
runaway

~j

Ani DiFranco - 'Untouchable Face’ ~~~~ Fucking Perfect

For You and your situation
I know I needed to
try putting
my love
in a vial
and violently throwing it
out to sea.

While doing so, I wondered
will it
ever come back and
return love
to me?

I find it
unlikely,
as my chances
are now done.

And honestly,
I fucked up
because
right now

cramming you

into a bottle
sounds like it would of been
more fun.

~j

Took out my mirror,

peered through the glass,

over my shoulder,

at us in the past;

I saw you there,

and I wondered why,

I’d ever stopped to consider

that you were ‘my' guy;

you never were, I guess,

because I could see,

how you really needed her

while trying to love me;

Well, she has you now,

she can bask in your glow,

and even you realized you'll be much better off

simply letting me go.

~j

:::

There’s really no difference
between hate and true love.
Both turn you stupid
and are indicative of
simply letting another
...get into your head
so they can screw 
with your mind
until you wish 
...someone dead.

~j

The part of a man 
that I love best,
is located just south 
of his abdomen.

Why?

Because this is the part 
that is incapable of drowning me in bullshit.

~j~

I’ve waded about your very edge,
peered at the rocks and
stepped out on your ledge,
felt the warmth of your water,
the pull of your depth,
and I so want to swim you
but I fear this reality,
has already stolen my breath.

~j

These walls that I built
are getting harder to hold;
the concrete splits slowly;
it crumbles.
It’s old.

And I’d let you in,
but there’s no furniture there,
just four steadfast sheets
blockading nothing but air.

It’s empty, no windows,
not a place to be stayin’
so check the building next door,
if ya get what I’m sayin’.

~J

Deep in the heart of these secret woods,
I cry here, for tears aren’t misunderstood.
The grass is accepting and the water just knows
that this girl can’t be happy right now wherever she goes.

~j

I spent an evening alone with my heart, under the stars
reached up and wondered, just how far off they are
then captured a blink in the palm of my hand,
and I realized, I’ll sooner trap all the heavens,
then find that one special man.

~j~

'trust you'

and that just

must do.

but it’s so hard for me,

all those bits that

we must hide

of our hearts 

as we take

this bumpy ride.

I want to know.

What you think.

What you want.

What you do.

What you say.

But then kicks in; 

“Please,

 don’t tell me,

because, 

I’m already swept away”

~j~

You say you’re not them
but you are.
You’re as them as can be.
Them, by far.

You weigh and you measure
each vowel and note
and then watch while I drown
as you sit in your boat.

[if bullshit
were grains of sand,
you’d have buried me, thus,
leaving only my hand]

~j

it’s just before midnight,
as the winter wind blows,
and the moon lies
waxy pale,
by the spill of the lamplight
this cracked heart knows
that it’s that time
and it whispers your name


and as morning arrives
with a new risen sun
the deed, no longer done
and the hurt, not gone
but this day begins,
fresh, without you
and determined,
to set life anew

~j

This darkness inside

is a preening, black cat

seeking sexual snacks

and a curious lap.

Content in bleak corners,

she sits silent with poise

awaiting fresh wonders

and clever, new toys.

Until you.

That lightness you bring,

that, sweet wondrous soul,

has left here a feline

I just cannot console.

Uninterested in shadows,

where she once hid before,

she wants more of whatever

you’ll let her explore.

So take her.

She’s purring.

She’s ready.

She’s waiting.

It’s the stroke of your hand

she’s now anticipating

~j~

Shhhhhh.
My wish?
Blow you.
Blow your mind.
Blow your soul.
[ & make you mine]

~j

I suppose there’s a certain, quiet beauty to solitude.

[i still think that shit would look prettier in lipgloss & heels]

.j.