The Brilliant Shonda Rhimes

Grandmas Joyful Girl

I feel you today
[well always]
but i heard you loud and clear
and last night you whispered
right into my ear
'..it will be ok sugar plum
so let yourself feel again,
don’t go through life numb.
its no way to be.
your strong,
please, ..trust me'

i hear you grandma, i really do
its me i don’t trust
but, i have always trusted you

so i’ll pull myself up
and it won’t be easy
and ill try again,
to give my heart freely

i promise, maybe
someday
but today just let me cry
and drown in my tears
and try like hell not to
runaway

~j

Ani DiFranco - 'Untouchable Face’ ~~~~ Fucking Perfect

For You and your situation
I know I needed to
try putting
my love
in a vial
and violently throwing it
out to sea.

While doing so, I wondered
will it
ever come back and
return love
to me?

I find it
unlikely,
as my chances
are now done.

And honestly,
I fucked up
because
right now

cramming you

into a bottle
sounds like it would of been
more fun.

~j

Took out my mirror,

peered through the glass,

over my shoulder,

at us in the past;

I saw you there,

and I wondered why,

I’d ever stopped to consider

that you were ‘my' guy;

you never were, I guess,

because I could see,

how you really needed her

while trying to love me;

Well, she has you now,

she can bask in your glow,

and even you realized you'll be much better off

simply letting me go.

~j

:::

There’s really no difference
between hate and true love.
Both turn you stupid
and are indicative of
simply letting another
...get into your head
so they can screw 
with your mind
until you wish 
...someone dead.

~j

The part of a man 
that I love best,
is located just south 
of his abdomen.

Why?

Because this is the part 
that is incapable of drowning me in bullshit.

~j~

I’ve waded about your very edge,
peered at the rocks and
stepped out on your ledge,
felt the warmth of your water,
the pull of your depth,
and I so want to swim you
but I fear this reality,
has already stolen my breath.

~j

These walls that I built
are getting harder to hold;
the concrete splits slowly;
it crumbles.
It’s old.

And I’d let you in,
but there’s no furniture there,
just four steadfast sheets
blockading nothing but air.

It’s empty, no windows,
not a place to be stayin’
so check the building next door,
if ya get what I’m sayin’.

~J

Deep in the heart of these secret woods,
I cry here, for tears aren’t misunderstood.
The grass is accepting and the water just knows
that this girl can’t be happy right now wherever she goes.

~j

I spent an evening alone with my heart, under the stars
reached up and wondered, just how far off they are
then captured a blink in the palm of my hand,
and I realized, I’ll sooner trap all the heavens,
then find that one special man.

~j~

'trust you'

and that just

must do.

but it’s so hard for me,

all those bits that

we must hide

of our hearts 

as we take

this bumpy ride.

I want to know.

What you think.

What you want.

What you do.

What you say.

But then kicks in; 

“Please,

 don’t tell me,

because, 

I’m already swept away”

~j~

You say you’re not them
but you are.
You’re as them as can be.
Them, by far.

You weigh and you measure
each vowel and note
and then watch while I drown
as you sit in your boat.

[if bullshit
were grains of sand,
you’d have buried me, thus,
leaving only my hand]

~j

it’s just before midnight,
as the winter wind blows,
and the moon lies
waxy pale,
by the spill of the lamplight
this cracked heart knows
that it’s that time
and it whispers your name


and as morning arrives
with a new risen sun
the deed, no longer done
and the hurt, not gone
but this day begins,
fresh, without you
and determined,
to set life anew

~j

This darkness inside

is a preening, black cat

seeking sexual snacks

and a curious lap.

Content in bleak corners,

she sits silent with poise

awaiting fresh wonders

and clever, new toys.

Until you.

That lightness you bring,

that, sweet wondrous soul,

has left here a feline

I just cannot console.

Uninterested in shadows,

where she once hid before,

she wants more of whatever

you’ll let her explore.

So take her.

She’s purring.

She’s ready.

She’s waiting.

It’s the stroke of your hand

she’s now anticipating

~j~

Shhhhhh.
My wish?
Blow you.
Blow your mind.
Blow your soul.
[ & make you mine]

~j

I suppose there’s a certain, quiet beauty to solitude.

[i still think that shit would look prettier in lipgloss & heels]

.j.

~Let us Begin ~

Your lips.

Mm, just so.

At base of spine,

Your fingers twine.

Tongue.

Ah, yes.

You’re doing fine.

Hands grasp hips,

slip  

quick

around,

slide up to breasts,

delight thus found.

~j~

Speak of my lips,
speak of my thighs,
speak of the need
alight in my eyes.

Speak of my touch,
speak of my hair,
speak of the way
I feel down there,

Speak of my give,
speak of my take,
speak of the love
that we might make.

~j~

Once upon a time,

in a land so far away,

lived a girl,

[well, barely living]

with so many words to say.

Words of love,

words of hope,

and unwritten tome of faith,

and she sits,

and she hopes,

for a prince

for whom she’s willing to wait.

But he’ll come,

yes, she knows this,

for life truly

can’t be this tragic,

and he’ll love her,

and he’ll hold her,

and her life

will then be magic.

~j

You see a girl
who is ready to leap;
instead she’s
a girl fairly
light on her feet.

She’s not trying
to die,
she’s not looking
to fall,
she’s just pushing
the boundaries,
outer limits
and all.

Please,
stop worrying so.
Quit stressing
all of her moves.
She’s gonna be
fine once she
get’s back in
life’s groove.

~j

It’s a numb day.
A words unwritten
for they’re
far too dumb day.

It’s a
thoughts thought
but ought not
bare them,
share them day.

It’s a tons to say,
if I felt okay,
won’t stay to play day.

I’m taking my ball
and going home.
[taking my words, too.
They're all I own]

~j

Love’s a little bit
like sketching out
hearts in the sand.

Looks good til
that goddamned huge
tide rolls on in.

~j

There’s no luck to
be found
in a four leaf clover

Nope
{That’s Bullshit}

It’s discovered
in life
when you learn how
to start over.


~j

I don’t want to touch you
but I can’t be that bold.
Then,
I seek more then your mere hold.  
I try to keep calm words still
and clearly, I suck at this skill
Then,
before you know it,
I've swallowed you again, into my soul
and suddenly, I can relate to Alice, 
when falling down the rabbits hole.
And after you’ve gone, I regret my order
why?
Because,
I simply can’t eat ..
for, of you, I’m too full.

~j

Funny.

Her life has taught her to love, like a cigarette.

Just for the puffs that she can get.

Fifteen, twenty minutes tops.

When the smoke is gone,

she’s good to stop.

Light her up if you dare, boys.

~j

Autumn’s heart awakes to sunny day
with ball in hand, she looks to play,
but swings are empty, slide’s bereft,
on this playground, there’s no hope left.

~j

You're a virus

that rushed through my veins

like restless hearts

on a westbound train

a near biohazard,

needing full hazmat suit

your words, 

carried away my heart

like drunken pirates, 

stealing precious loot

and this shit, 

hazardous to my health

and even if

my heart is stealth

I know derailment 

is set for the course

and that heart of mine,

only ends up weighted with remorse

~j

Fuck, I miss you.

Wait. That’s not poetic.

Let me try it again.

[wow, I sound pathetic]

I ache for you

like winter’s day

craves sun’s

sweet kiss

and heated play.

I long for you

like April rains

escape the clouds,

same burst,

same pain.

Ah, screw it.

I miss you.

It’s as simple as that

and no pretty words

can change that fact

~j

And now,
tonight,
I’ll do
as such.

Hang head
off bed,
fill brain
with rush.

And stay
just that way;
til’ discomfort 
submit.

Rather all
memories explode
than this

mind

with you

in it.

~j~

Army boots,
fairy wings,
too short shirt,
a soul that sings.

As me
 as
I will ever be.

Dances freely,
all alone,
needs no approval,
just her own.

As me
 as
I will ever be.

~j~

I want to run.

Across the world

then to the stars.

Some place distant,

some place far.

Alone.

Untouched.

Safe.

No more pain.

A town where I’m

without a name.

But then there’s you.

You’re here

Not there.

And so I stay.

For you, I dare.

j