Killer Biscuits

I am completely convinced

the person/people who invented

'biscuits in a tube'

are evil !!

Is nobody else concerned that

these people

made serious money

off of their malevolent invention??

...and are running wild amongst us??

I hate opening canned biscuits!

"Peel the paper and press on the dotted line to open."

Sounds simple, as if they even say it with a 'smile'

However,

I do this with my eyes squinted shut,

arms outstretched,

flinching each new tear the paper pulls away from the tube,

completely terrified of the "POP!!"

I'm likely to wet myself when the bastard finally opens.

I'm still amazed I haven't lost an eye

or a limb

or knocked out a small child

all while in the process of trying to make biscuits!

You know Damn well Mr. or Mrs. Biscuit

is snickering their evil snicker

each and every time a tube is purchased!

EVIL BASTARDS!