New Moon

"Even more, I had never meant to love him.

One thing I truly knew

- knew it in the pit of my stomach,

in the center of my bones,

knew it from the crown of my head

to the soles of my feet,

knew it deep in my empty chest

-was how love gave someone the power to break you.

I'd been broken beyond repair."

.

~Stephenie Meyer (New Moon)

beneath your hands

it flows over me

like thick warm honey

when i think of our nights

the sounds of you breathing

loving you

feeling your skin

rolling your flesh between my teeth

watching you move

its only you

its always been you

i bend to you

you hold me in your hands

you change me

and make me more

i become beneath your hands

something that never was before
~j

proud to be me

'you and me'

Heres to wishing for a boy

who believes with you

he can 'fly'.

<3

security blankets

*Security and Comfort*

so while taking my 4 year old and his bloody injury

wrapped in a towel to the Dr.

I grab his 'binky' (all purpose 'security blanket')

and place it in his arms over his seat belt

to which his fingers unconsciously roll the soft comfort between

his natural reaction anytime it's in close proximity to him

and upon watching him do so.. even I *sigh* a bit of relief.

about 2 minutes into the drive he asks

"mom?, ..why did you bring my 'binky'?"

my reply...

"in case you need something to help make you feel better, like a friend"

he thinks for a moment ..and his reply melts me

"but that's what you are for"

~ugh~

can I just say, of all my 37 years of my life

boyfriends, best friends, and a husband

that was by far

the sweetest gift my heart had ever been given.

Ever

.

So why encourage him to drag along his 'binky'?

I,...well I sucked my thumb right up until high school

(sad, but true)

and of course had a 'security blanket'

I unconsciously rubbed between my fingers too

until at least the 9th grade.

Both habits my parents tried hard to break.

I've heard if you look deep between the binding of many a parent's handbook

The advice would be to encourage your child

to gently break the need for 'security' items.

I'm not big on parent handbooks, Dr. Spock, Child rearing Guru's,

and knowing the latest on what 'The Newest Studies' show.

I just do what I think is best

and hope there isn't much a lot of love and support can't get us through.

My sister (god love her) I am quite sure is out to be

a walking encyclopedia by the time she expires on this earth.

But Hey~ to each their own!

We will all do a lot right,

and when you ask our kids 20 years from now,

I'm sure according to them,

we most likely will have done some things wrong.

and I think that's the way it will always be

otherwise we may just put therapists and psychologists

right out of business

.

Forgive me, I'm getting side-tracked on my rant.

My point..

'security' blankets

I just hate that's what they are called

and there is discussion at all on breaking your kids from them

I'm all for nicknaming them 'comfort-binky's' or 'comfort bunnies'

or etc., etc.,

I agree no meekly held together piece of material

bound in satin, worn thin, rubbed,and chewed with anxiety

is going to provide 'security'

but I admit even 'I' was looking for extra comfort that day

and it's far too soon when we all grow up

and realize nothing can provide 100% security

not even mom

but 'comfort'

comfort is a beautiful thing

I have no shame in grabbing the 'binky' for extra comfort

and taking it along

from the car and right into the Urgent care

from waiting room to the Dr's room
and home again.

I am even more delighted to know my son, at 4

knew I was his rock going into whatever happened

not a 'security blanket'.

But then again, so what if your kid is 11

and her 'comfort bunny' is tucked in her overnight bag when attending a sleep-over.

When your down, or hurt, or scared or even worried ..

we all need as much 'comfort' as we can get.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with seeking comfort.

It's not a weakness

Even when we grow up, we still know

Those who have comfort,

The comfort of family, of love, of support,

or even a warm blanket

those people

are truly blessed.

Comfort, my friend, is a luxury

.

When my grandma passed away.

Nothing was going to take away the tears and the pain and the sorrow.

My mom asked me while standing in my grandmas home

along with her three sisters who were all there dividing her things up

if there was anything special I wanted

A quick scan of the bedroom I was standing in

there were two objects that came to mind.

One, a bottle of her perfume off her dresser.

One whiff and fond memories flooded my head.

Surely I wouldn't leave that for charity.

The second thing I went for?

A pink blanket off her bed.

It was warm and soft to the touch

and bound in luscious pink satin.

I still love that blanket.

Worn thin and even re-bound in new pink satin

courtesy of my mothers sewing skills

It no longer smells like her, washed several times over.

But I don't even have to be feeling down or blue

when throwing that blanket around me..

but when I do, there is no false sense of 'security'

.. there is however,

under that blanket,

an immeasurable sense of

'comfort'

.

In The News

:Chicago Tribune:

Dinners put strangers at the same table to share food and thoughts

http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/shopping/chi-0917-across-the-tablesep17,0,3626653.column

.

What a fucking brilliant idea!

Exactly what we need.

People live in their own iPod boxes, cubicles,

and their mind and their worlds shrink.

I tend to be that girl who strikes conversation with anyone, in any place, anytime. Always enjoying what it is you can absorb and learn from anyone.

I despise those who pass judgement before trying to see all the possible sides to a coin, who live in the narrow valleys of life, and forget how far a smile and a simple, sincere 'hello, how are you?' can go.

A night like this-

- conversation with a diverse group of otherwise strangers-

- is like Society-yoga!

.

I do worry tho, with my luck, I'd be seated next to

'the-one-weird-guy'

My friendly-ness has landed me with some real 'winners'.

I made small talk with a store greeter one day.

I think I may have to mail her a bill.

..or change my hair color.

.

I Knew.

I knew

While we were at the station

That you were waiting for another 'woman',

I knew

While I was carrying your luggage

That you would be traveling with another 'woman',

I knew that I was No more than a disposable Chinese fan

Used to shield you From the heat of the summer.

I also knew

That the love letters I wrote you

Were not more then mirrors To reflect your pride.
*
In spite of that,

I will carry your luggage

And your lover's luggage

Because I cannot Slap a woman

Who carries in her white handbag

The sweetest days of my life.

*
~Nizar Qabbani

Don't Listen To Me

Yeah,
I know I said that
love
was totally
fucked up
.
That doesn't mean
I'm not interested
in getting
totally
fucked up
with you,
though
.

~j

lies

I can't lie

Of all the lies

people tell

this one..

.. is still my favorite.

.

Gets me every time.

.

Please Ruin Me

"A kiss may ruin a human life." 

~ Oscar Wilde

Beyonce~ eat your heart out.

At the complete risk

of sounding like a famous blonde bimbo..

I have to say it..
THIS is HOT !

(again~ pause player at the bottom of the page

for full listening enjoyment)

.

checking for a pulse

yes, still alive

life; properly epic

full of noise and commotion

and change

still a heartbeat

inner voice

Dear Universe:
I've recently developed a propensity to talk to myself. This is pretty weird. All these years, I've barely uttered a few words to myself on special occasions. Now I'm having long convoluted gab fest's, as if little voices in my head had busted out and gone amuck, and decided never to shut up. What's going on?
                                                                               .

Dear Sweet Child :
It's a good sign that you're getting all the murmuring background noise out in the open. Not just for you, but for most people, thoughts and feeling that had been hidden or secret are becoming available to your conscious mind.
Once you clear out the backing, ...the really useful revelations will begin.
Listen Closely!

~The Universe

John Hughes

Life goes by pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around
once in a while............
you could miss it.

~Ferris Bueller 1986


RIP John Hughes

.

my own song

i shall be my own song
i will create my own rythm
that expresses my own ideas
and emotions
in significant form
i will be the single melody
different from the worlds harmony
i will sing you your own sweet chorus
i will be the very music to your soul
and together we shall be
harmony

.

~j~

hell~yeah

Dear Santa,

I need these Afrolicious Speakers.

Like the flowers need the rain, I need them!

Yes, I'm well aware of our last talk,

hell, handbaskets, etc.

but

I NEED them!

fffound

~In The News~

Rare pig breed resurrected for ham lovers:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=rare-pig-breed-resurrected-for-ham-2009-06-24

Woah!.. Bette Midler looks like shit these days.

.

OH~ btw~

~so~

.

All Of The Above

edge

A*the-hell*MEN~!

.