I don’t want to touch you
but I can’t be that bold.
Then,
I seek more then your mere hold.  
I try to keep calm words still
and clearly, I suck at this skill
Then,
before you know it,
I've swallowed you again, into my soul
and suddenly, I can relate to Alice, 
when falling down the rabbits hole.
And after you’ve gone, I regret my order
why?
Because,
I simply can’t eat ..
for, of you, I’m too full.

~j

Funny.

Her life has taught her to love, like a cigarette.

Just for the puffs that she can get.

Fifteen, twenty minutes tops.

When the smoke is gone,

she’s good to stop.

Light her up if you dare, boys.

~j

Autumn’s heart awakes to sunny day
with ball in hand, she looks to play,
but swings are empty, slide’s bereft,
on this playground, there’s no hope left.

~j

You're a virus

that rushed through my veins

like restless hearts

on a westbound train

a near biohazard,

needing full hazmat suit

your words, 

carried away my heart

like drunken pirates, 

stealing precious loot

and this shit, 

hazardous to my health

and even if

my heart is stealth

I know derailment 

is set for the course

and that heart of mine,

only ends up weighted with remorse

~j

Fuck, I miss you.

Wait. That’s not poetic.

Let me try it again.

[wow, I sound pathetic]

I ache for you

like winter’s day

craves sun’s

sweet kiss

and heated play.

I long for you

like April rains

escape the clouds,

same burst,

same pain.

Ah, screw it.

I miss you.

It’s as simple as that

and no pretty words

can change that fact

~j

And now,
tonight,
I’ll do
as such.

Hang head
off bed,
fill brain
with rush.

And stay
just that way;
til’ discomfort 
submit.

Rather all
memories explode
than this

mind

with you

in it.

~j~

Army boots,
fairy wings,
too short shirt,
a soul that sings.

As me
 as
I will ever be.

Dances freely,
all alone,
needs no approval,
just her own.

As me
 as
I will ever be.

~j~

I want to run.

Across the world

then to the stars.

Some place distant,

some place far.

Alone.

Untouched.

Safe.

No more pain.

A town where I’m

without a name.

But then there’s you.

You’re here

Not there.

And so I stay.

For you, I dare.

j

hopes

i tend

to have so much

hope

i tie it up in

knots

in

hopes

to save it for later

.j.

[just breathe]

Rest your head, thus,
at the small of my back
and slide trembling hands
along trembling thighs.

[just breathe]

Wander my body,
your secluded path,
and coax free
captive, delicate,
butterfly sighs.

[just breathe]

~j~

Let’s take our cars
to that park that we know
full of dandelion tops
who just wait for a blow.
Let’s take off our clothes,
then slip to the ground,
and weave the softest of blankets
with nary a sound.

~j~

Please

Please,

My body aches 

my own fingers sore

I don't want to be alone,

 just imagining you anymore

I need you here

your scent, your sweat, your salt, your touch

your push, your pull, your shuddering rush

I need the flavor 

of your
 flesh

I need to feel 
your 

caress

Give me your groan, and grope, the sound of your moan

I need the weight of your body,

covering my bones.

I hunger for your sweet, and your sour

Your gentleness, and all your power

I need your thrill, and your thrust

{Dear God, you fill me with lust}

I want to feel your swell, your throb, your heightened burst

under the entirety of you, I long to be submersed

I promise to return

 all of your giving

Please,  

.. just tell me your willing.

~j~

I hear it.

This music.

Vivid and loud.

I may hear it alone

and I’m often

not proud
but one day,

some day,

if I am blessed,

I’ll find another

who hears it

and then
fuck all the rest.

~j~

Some Words For You

Word one is; 

‘thrall.'

Two words;

 'need all.'

From two to three;

'adore, I do.'

Time for four;

'I must have you.'

Five words quick;

'you light up my soul'.

Now then hit six;

'we’d be clean out of control.'

Seven;

'I beg you to take me to bed.'

Eight;

'I admit that you’re stuck in my head.'

Nine:

'A man such as you,

I could love forever.'

Ten:

'Start back at one.

And don’t forget this list,

ever.'

~j~

I’d like to drain
this pond
of misery,
down to the sandy,
black bottom,
just to see
what I see
but I won’t,
for the blindness,
it’s suited to me,
so allow me
to swim here,
and please 
just let me be.
~j~

Infinate Playlist

You know that feeling?
That feeling when you just want the right thing
to fall into the right place,
not only because it's right,
but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible?
I want to believe that.

~Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

I want to lose

myself in you,

sink into your skin,

draw you in,

clutch at your chest,

know you know best,

but you frighten me,

nay,

I’m scared to death

that you’ll be my downfall,

my final breath,

so don’t let me discover

your beauty within,

just stop me,

just end it,

before it begins.

~j~

That Moment

there's something to be said
for a man
who can do to you
with one press of his finger
what no man has accomplished
in a lifetime...

~j

If she were a kite,

he’d be her string.

If she were a bird,

he’d be her wings.

If she were a boat,

he’d be her sail.

If she were a beach,

he’d be her pail.

If she were a street,

he’d be her light.

If she were a day,

he’d be her night

~j~

Faintest scent

of coconut,

softest whisper,

I say, “what?”

then hear you now

as you repeat

and, once again,

my knees go weak

for it’s not

the what

but the how

with you,

in all you speak

and all you do,

that truly touches

the deepest part

of the

deepest secret

in my

deepest heart.

~j

For you?

Every apple in Eden.
To the core.

I’d of eaten them all
and then prayed for more.

~j

I want to

share a kiss,

stay like this,

feel like this,

pray like this,

touch like this,

ache like this,

please like this,

take like this,

breathe like this,

give like this,

need like this,

LIVE LIKE THIS.

~j

many a boy will try to conquer your entire terrain

fret about his time divided, on your entire landscape

with me, this won't all be done in vain

but your hand in mine, sticks to my brain

and flows direct to my heart, like a damn express train

your grasp, that clench, 

the beat of your heart in the palm of my hand

melts me to the core

that simple move alone, 

makes me love you more

~j~

You might very well

be the death of me.

And I mean that me

that I’m no longer

meant to be.

You might very well

be the birth of her.

And I mean that her

who’s been living

but has never been heard.

~j~

your body

 by light of the dim bulb

casts a spell on me

so arousing and so stimulating

i am beyond overwhelmed

i have breathed you in

in those moments with my lips on your neck

when i can taste the salt of your skin

and beneath your skin

i can feel your pulse

and like a slow tick tock

of a reassuring clock

it puts my body at ease

in your arms

my body can feel

 the breath beneath your chest

which in it, carries my breath away

i have clenched at your skin

and beneath my grasping hands

i simply can not get enough of you

and i know this

when i am near you

i am completely intoxicated by you

i want so badly the moment

 to freely

give and take

without fear

because i know in those very moments

i will lose myself in you

and not want to be found

j

:::

My life is like a book
with a crease in its page
shutting me off
from those one in the same,
like a line through the heart,
or a spine bound in glue,
I just pray someone, someday 

could read me

[and I'd prefer it were you]

~j~

disentangle

I think

you alone

hold the power

to disentangle

my life

replete with

continuous looping

and knots

knitted and stitched

and sewn up

tight

but please

pull gently

on the strings

of which

need to be

unraveled

for there are so many

folds, and frays,

and many a knitch

to undo

but I'm quite confident

all this work

will be easy

from a boy

who's heart

is as lovely

as you

.

~j~